The Drop Box

February 4, 2008

Rambo: To Hell And Back (2008)

Filed under: Movies — Tags: , , , , — Toshi Yano @ 7:45 pm

Rambo bubble gum

Following is a take on the new Rambo by my buddy, Jayson Green, hopefully a frequent contributor:

Rambo, Or, Why I Have an Uncomfortable Ramboner

A Play In One Act

A glassy-eyed ME sits, staring into the middle-distance. YOU enter.

You: How was Rambo?

Me: I don’t think I can answer that question. I guess I can say it’s amazing, but I don’t necessarily mean that as a compliment.

You: Was it violent?

Me: They throw a newborn baby into a burning building. And what I mean when I say that is, you see someone THROW A TINY BABY INTO A FIRE! 

You: …

Me: I know – and it somehow manages to get more insane from there. This film is like a less politically responsible version of Cannibal Holocaust, even down to utilizing actual news footage without any real context, making the “actual” images of death squads and piles of dead bodies just another element of the movie while we hoot and cheer for the deaths of the “unreal” characters who we’re to believe are responsible in some way for the actual murder of real people which of course devalues the “actual” deaths while not lending any gravitas to the “unreal” deaths except to couch them in some sort of pseudo-moralistic or political terms. Phew!

You: That’s confusing.

Me: You’re telling me, sister. Plus his arms look like two giant, gross, vein-y penises which are always holding something that’s spraying something that kills everyone. Oh yeah, there’s lots of raping too.

You: Who is Rambo fighting?

Me: Uhhh, well he’s in Burma, so… There are these soldiers who are totally killing these other non-soldiers… uhmmm. They actually never really say who he’s fighting, but trust me they are not nice.

You: Oh. Is there a message?

Me: Yeah, definitely. Rambo tells a bunch of Christians, who want to help the oppressed peoples of Burma, that they won’t make a difference. BUT if they still want to try, even though it’s pointless, they need to have guns. The Christians refuse to use weapons and go anyway and of course are kidnapped/killed/tortured. So Rambo and a bunch of dudes go in with guns and try to save them with varying degrees of success. So in the end nothing changes except a lot of people die.

You: So the moral is don’t do anything?

Me: Pretty much, yeah.

You: Woah. Do you think it’s just a really cynical take on what’s happening in Iraq?

Me: Oh shit I didn’t think of that, but probably not. Oh did I say that I loved the movie? Because I did. I really loved it.

CURTAIN

Jay also wanted to show everyone Turkish Rambo. In addition to the awesome karate that opens this scene, keep an eye out for the rocket launcher that enters at about 45 seconds. Where does Turkish Rambo keep getting rockets for that thing? Oh, wait, I see: they pop out of his feet whenever he looks down. Cool. 

  

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1 Comment »

  1. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that the official title of the film is Rambo : To Hell and Back. Jeee-sus.

    I also chose Turkish Rambo because he resembles sweet Adrian Zmed from Bachelor Party-and that my friends is what’s known as a callback.

    Comment by jaysongreen — February 4, 2008 @ 8:10 pm


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